My name is Brittini Nicole Jackson. Twelve days ago, my life changed forever as i knew it. I lost my precious baby boy in a tragic drowning accident. Yesterday, it felt as though I reverted back into an unknown time, because I was just in total shock. I was in disbelief. I've been learning about grief and the many stages that come along with it and yesterday was the first time where I understood the roller-coaster of emotions. I think I've accepted my new reality but then I find myself crying--sobbing, grappling with the truth of my situation. I've been angry, angry at "friends," angry at the ocean-at water, angry and disappointed in myself, I've been compassionate with myself, I feel completely devastated and sick. I am in mourning.
My son's accident was unseen, unexpected, and a complete shock. We were living in a beautiful house over the water and he fell in, unbeknownst to me. Until it was too late. I couldn't breathe and it felt as though all my strength was evaporating within me. My son was/is my EVERYTHING.
I gave birth to Yoá on December 20th in 2016. I was traveling through Central America and met amazing people along the way. I met my phenomenal soul sister, Susanna, and Yoá's artistic and incredible father Kevin on a small island called Bocas del Toro, in Panama. As life progressed after his birth, Yoá and I travelled everywhere together. I took him back to my home, in the Bay Area in California. He went to Costa Rica (He is actually Costa Rican and Panamanian) the States, Mexico, El Salvador--he loved planes! He was the best thing to have EVER HAPPENED to me! He was an unexpected and beautiful surprise. I had plans for us. But I guess the universe did too.
I have no energy for anything. But the most important thing is to continue my sun's legacy. Since his passing, I have been raising money for a non-profit i want to start in his honor, dedicated to teaching babies, toddlers, and children how to swim. Especially living on an island, it's so important that these young and precious humans have a fighting chance if they ever find themselves in the same predicament as my baby boy. You can donate here at: https://www.gofundme.com/f/in-loving-memory-of-yoa-xavier
Each day i wake up, it's a new day. it's another day. it's hard. i wash my face and brush my teeth. I stare at my nose, because my son had my nose. I tell myself that I am beautiful. And that it will get better. Maybe I cry. Most likely I cry. And then I walk into a room full of love and support. And honestly, that makes my grief little more tolerable. And that contributes to me having faith again. Someday.