I'm Happy.

Almost two and a half years into my grief journey and i can confidently say that i am happy. I have learned happiness and grief can live coincidentally together. It does not mean i love my child any less. My son is still and forever will be the apple of my eye. His mama has been busy, trying to navigate and grow in her earthly life. Trying to make my dreams come true and grow Yoa's Place Non-Profit. Learning so much about myself and I can say I am so proud of how far I have come! Today I am experiencing Acceptance. Grief is non linear and I admit that i still experience highs and lows and understand that i am human. At this moment, I am grateful to be experiencing acceptance because it has inspired hope inside of me.

Today I am writing this blog from the balcony of my brother's apartment in San Jose, California. The sunlight is delightfully dancing it warms rays on my toes, as afrobeats rhythmic sounds play in the background. These past few days I have been tested and challenged (just everyday life stresses) yet i continue to be positive and grounded in who i am and where i am at. The biggest thing i have learned on this journey is forgiveness, compassion, and learning to listen to myself (my intuition.) I have been taking my time unlearning what no longer serves me and opening my eyes to new ways of life.

I have been busy. I have recently become a certified life coach with one goal in mind: to help mamas. To be a source that they know they are not alone. To hold space. And to encourage them. And to spread love and peace. I have been busy loving myself in ways i have never done before. looking myself in the mirror and saying "i love you brittini" 31 times for the 31 years i have experienced on this planet. And soon my birthday will be here, next monday in fact. I will be 32 years old.

I have never really had a plan for my life, but when my son came along i NEVER thought that it would involve me living life without him. And yet here i am. Making my future from his legacy and all he accomplished in his 3.5 years of life! My son's life is my biggest accomplishment. My son is my truest love. I have experienced pure joy from my son, and i have also experienced authentic sadness, pain, anger and heartbreak from losing my son. He is a teacher and he is still teaching me. today I am and always and I am grateful for my baby boy.

today, I am happy.