Hello, dear mamas and loved ones. As I come crashing down from a recent grief wave, I find myself sitting on the scattered sands, staring off into the horizon as the sun rises to start a new day. My spirits are soaring with supportive wind under my wings and I smile as I watch my dreams take fruition. It's been a long time coming but each step, each decision, each tear shed, has led me to exactly where I need to be.
Today I had therapy and we ended up speaking for two hours about forgiveness. As I soar into my rebirth, I realized I needed help truly a ccepting my past. Accepting the hurt, pain, betrayal, disappointment, and confusion that I have deeply and helplessly felt. Validating my emotions and saying aloud that it wasn't ok, acknowledging that my needs weren't met and that it wasn't ok. Expressing what mattered. And making the conscious decision to let go. To set those people free. I no longer need to hold any negative emotions about them close into my soul. I chose to be free. I choose love. I cannot please everybody. I also forgave myself for any pain I caused others, falling short maybe when someone needed me the most. And accepting that we are all humanely imperfect.
In order to carry my grief with me, I need to heal other aspects of myself: the trail of broken hearts, mother and father wound, attending to my inner little girl, and building self-love and courage. Reprogramming what no longer serves me. Rebirth. Making those aspects of myself lighter as I learn to literally handle my unique grief. and Forgiving. Inhaling and exhaling the years of heart ache. Truly none of it matters. The most important thing to me is my son, my love for him, and creating his legacy: Grief. Because they say grief is love with no place to go. Of course, my love for my son will never go away.
So here I am. Today. Present. The day is full of hope. The past set free. As I lay on the sand and watch the sun dance across the sky holding my baby in my heart. As I transform Yoá's Place into reality.
